Feeling very emotional today.
My daughter, S, has gone on a school trip for a week leaving me with a huge hole in my heart and a sinking feeling in my stomach. Feelings and emotions, in particular my reaction to them, have become fundamental to my well being. This may make perfect sense to many of you, in fact may not even need stating, however for me, it's a very different case. I spent many years (more than 40) in complete ignorance of my lack of emotional understanding and only during my last few years in recovery has it become clear to me the importance of my emotional health. From years of aimless desert wandering, I now find myself on a beach. No longer does the sun bear down on me, wearing me out with its endless glare, my feet burning on the hot sand. Nowhere to find shade or respite from the desperate thirst that will not leave me. Today I can curl my toes into the sand, let the waves gently lap over me as I lie calmly on the shore. The sun is my friend, it warms me and welcomes me to the day. There maybe clouds but they provide moments of shelter and coolness. It has taken a lot of work to get to this place and it will take more to stay here. Now that I have rested, onto the job in hand.
I want to write a novel because.....
.......carrying it about in my head is beginning to hurt. It started as a small seed, a description of a moment in time, just one evening of a woman's life. Over the past few years, it has slowly taken root, and as those roots have delved deeper into my head, so has the story gone further and deeper into my soul. It has grown into a story of her past, from the fairy-tale romance to the developing of the darker days that led her to the present. Then, much as a tree begins to bud, so does the story too, leading her from despair to hope, slowly and patiently with love and kindness.
Thank you for reading.